Cautious Optimism

As you can gather from Karyn's initial post there is great reason to be excited at this time. I am sure that I do not always show how excited or happy that this recent news has made me, but that is more of a defense mechanism than a true representation of my emotion. The year 2008 will always remind me of two things above anything else and they are not things I would wish on anyone. They both related to our attempts to start a family. As Karyn briefly mentioned those attempts ended in heartache. For anyone who has ever experienced the loss of a pregnancy, either through a miscarriage or through an ectopic, you have an understanding of what it was like for us. Unfortunately, we experienced both losses within a five month period.

Yet here we are nearing the middle of 2009 and we have been given another opportunity. It is no doubt still early in the process and we are not close to being ready to tell the world about this great news, but we are hopeful and we are optimistic. Eventually the pain from 2008 will chip away and the joy that 2009 holds will begin to shine brightly. Eventually I will be able to close my eyes and not see the sadness and heartbreak that I saw in my wife's eyes last May.

I have always heard that adversity tends to either bring people together or push them apart. I wish I could say that this adversity always drew Karyn and I together, but that would not be entirely true. We did draw as close as we'd ever been as we grieved the losses. Then over time the grief and sadness turned to doubt and despair as we tried for months to get pregnant without success. At some point in the not so distant past we nearly gave up. Thankfully we kept fighting to stay together. For anyone that knows Karyn and I you could probably guess that our relationship has and always will be interesting. We're both alike and different in so many ways. Yet at the end of the day it is hard to imagine that any couple loves each other as much as we do.

So as we proceed down this path for the third time in 18 months I do so with cautious optimism. In the near future this blog will go "live" and we'll do our best to share our thoughts, feelings, and experiences with anyone who cares to read it. It will be an unguarded look at something usually kept close to the vest. Regardless of the outcome we'll need the love and support of our friends and family as we embark on this tremendous journey.